In our attempts to be “positive people,” we might feel a need to stifle our anger and avoid directly confronting people—as if critical thinking is always negative.

But sometimes we may want to address something that’s bothered us, whether it’s something that pertains to us, or someone else we care about.

It’s only by having the courage to speak up, respectfully, that we can all help each other learn.

Speaking up respectfully isn’t the same as phrasing everything positively.

Speaking up respectfully requires us to be clear and direct with our intentions and message, and to accept the consequences of offering it—meaning, understanding that we can only control what we say, not how it is received.

You’ve probably been on the giving and receiving end of passive-aggression at least once or twice. It’s anger, suppressed and expressed indirectly—and it’s both ineffective and confusing.

Someone can only meet our needs when they understand them; and someone can only recognize the potential impact of their actions if we’re brave enough to call their attention to it.

When I first started trying to become more positive, I quickly squelched all critical thoughts, labeling them as “bad.” Ironically, I did this because I thought it was bad to be critical of other people—and in making that judgment, I set myself up to frequently judge myself.

You can still be a positive person and feel emotions we typically label as “negative.” And you can be a loving friend, girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, mother, or daughter while still feeling anger in response to something the other person has done.

Trying not to feel angry doesn’t make anger go away; if anything it makes it more powerful.