I find this funny, because I didn’t always believe in love. I used to despise it because of the constant heartbreak, and rejection, but as I have grown older, I am finding it easier to deal with. IDK, I guess I have a different perspective on love as I used to.

I remember saying that “love is just another meaningless four letter word, until someone comes along and gives it meaning.” I still believe that, but have I found that person that actually gave it meaning? Well, no, but that is only because the feeling isn’t mutual. Does that mean I start shunning love again? Normally, I would say yes, but it seems as though this situation is different than the rest. It’s like I wanna just say, “FUCK YOU!” and get all angry and bitter at him for not loving me the way I love him, but it’s not working like that, I’ve befriended him. And what once was a love of a fantasy relationship, has now become a love amongst friends. 

I keep believing something will happen if I just hold out, but I read his blog before I began typing this, and something hit me like a ton of bricks. It seems as though he is preparing to move back to his hometown. Further away from me. While I want to be happy for him, and wish him well on his newfound journey, I can’t help but to feel a bit selfish as I think — what is going to happen with us? (I say that as if we are a couple *wishful thinking*)

Something so good, is soon to escape me. IDK it just seems as though I am so close, but yet so far. Now if only I looked like the men in the pictures he reblogs on tumblr, then I think I would have a better shot. Oh well. I guess I can only be me. The Enlightened. The Man. The Believer In Love