Damn! It doesn't seem like it's been too long since the last time I wrote a transgressive blog. Here I am again, in the graveyard typing away my problems. It doesn't seem like anyone is understanding what is going on in my head. I thought I was fine, but it seems like my alter-ego still lives, and he is staring back at me with a smile on his face.

I've been trying to remain strong, and sane, but it seems like just a facade. When will I ever be okay? Am I meant to be depressed for the rest of my life? Sometimes, it feels like I didn't accomplish anything at all. All my hard work and everything was for nothing. Did I set my goals and priorities too high or something? Is my faith being tested here? If it is, it's not helping. It's just pushing me further and further away.

You know sometimes I feel as though the dead get off easy, and they have it good. They don't have to deal with the troubles, trials, and tribulations, that haunted them. Sometimes I wish I could trade with them. No one understands the constant battle I have with my sanity. I would be in the kitchen, wondering if I should pick up the phone, or pickup the knife. I've heard so many stories about how the pain and the blood shed, is like a symbolism showing that you have rid yourself of that trauma. What if I done that? Is that what needs to be done here?

No one understands how many times I walk alone, and no one hears my voice, no one answers my prayer, and no one hears my plea, the tears I hold back because it's pathetic for a man to cry at my age, and how much I long for my departure from the physical world.

Strength is not something I have been given, along with other things. As I sit here and listen to the sirens sound off, all I can think about is how I wish that siren was for me, how I wish my family could hear the words, "time of death". The tears don't even fall anymore. Oh, how I wish they did. Oh, how I wish I wasn't on the outside looking in. To dream of success, would be a dream wasted. To put a smile on my face, would be like a lie i told to myself.