[Current Condition: Depressed]

As I type this, I am literally holding back tears. Not too long ago, I told my mom I was bi-sexual. That was by far the hardest thing I could do as a man. I thought that was it. I was trying to hold on to being bi-sexual so bad, but I see that that’s not working, and I just feel like I am getting more attracted to men. I’ve been flirting with more men, I’ve seen naked men, I’ve watched gay porn, and etc. And it really turns me on. I even went as far as to watch straight porn, but it does nothing for me. There is nothing there anymore. I know in society, it is so hard to make it being gay. It’s already hard enough being black, and then I turn around and turn gay?! I am so depressed and don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I am even going to sleep early because I’m so confused :(

I don’t know what to do with my life now. This whole thing has been kicking my ass mentally to the point that I don’t wanna do ANYTHING. How do I explain this to my mom? It’s already hard enough for her to accept that i’m bi-sexual, now she’ll be the only mother in our family with a gay son. -___-; I just wanna die just thinking of that.

I have church tomorrow, and I’ve been dodging it because I feel so uncomfortable sitting in church when I know the Bible teaches against Homosexuality. What do I do when the sermon of the day is strictly about being gay? How do I deal with this?