[CURRENT CONDITION: SO IN LOVE WITH TWO]

It was the internet where we've met. An unlikely place I might add, and my mind told my heart, "this is nothing, so why try?". Normally, I would've listened to this, but the heart insisted in meeting you. We talked for what seemed like 7 hours. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't; and we found out we had a lot in common. Two things were revealed to me in this time:

1. You are a mother of 3 month old
2. You're white

This would normally spell - RED FLAG for me, but for some reason it didn't. I continued on thinking that something would change, and it did. I started to feel this burning love for you, sadly at the same time, you weren't the only person racing in my mind. Everytime I thought of you, I would think of my Best-Friend. Everything you brought up, I would think of her. No matter how much I tried, my mind could not block her out. You told me once, "I think you're in love with her." I can't lie to you. I would have to say that I am. I love her so much, and if I could, and if she would, it would be so - problem is...it's not. My mind tells me to move on, but my heart keeps bringing her back to me. My heart wants someone it can't have, and everytime I try to move on, my heart wins. My best-friend is like the sweetest poison. Her man is like acid on my tongue. I can't stand to see her with him, but I smile and congratulate her when she tells me about the good he has done for her. She knows the smile is fake, she knows the compliments aren't true. Yet and still, I do it all for her.

My mind comes into the fray, and I have you. The new love of my life. The girl that loves me unconditionally, the one that says I am the only thing on her mind (aside from your son), the girl that sacrifices it all just to speak with me. The perfect girl, and here I am feeling as though I am wasting your time. *sigh* What do I say? I love you as much as you love me, but there is something missing; you aren't her. I enjoy the conversation, I love talking about you and your son, I love laughing and giggling with you, and I can see us together - but...you're not her. I can tell you I love you and mean every word, I make the sacrifices necessary to speak with you daily, but why oh why can't I get my best-friend out of my head. It's like she has made a permanent home in my head. When I close my eyes I see her, When I'm daydreaming, I see her. I see no one else. Is it just her physical that is missing? I think so. You have all the qualities I look for, except these things:

1. YOU AREN'T HER
2. YOU HAVE A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE
3. YOU ARE OF DIFFERENT RACE

Let's talk about Rayden (your baby). I've taken a HUGE liking to Rayden and could see him really liking me as a father, but...I want a son of my own. I know that's not a huge chore because I know you'd GLADLY be for working on that goal, but normally in a relationship with a child is not yours, it's bound to be some issues, and I know they will come when we move in together. #3 - I know this makes me sound racist as hell, but I'm not. I just KNOW that this is going to be the hardest thing EVER to accomplish with my family. Do I REALLY want to deal with the drama? We'll see. You have no flaws, as far as I can see - but as i've said once before...I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'RE NOT HER.