[CURRENT CONDITION: EPIPHANY]

As I lay here in my pitch black room, I have an epiphany of my lovelife, and it has occurred to me that it is too complicated to even put in words. I think this girl is different though. I must admit that at first I didn't see too much of anything in this woman, but as I have had conversations with her, I have fell in love with her. I don't know what it is, she's a great girl and all, but is it me acting like Mr. Shallow, and looking at only her looks (doesn't look bad), and not her personality? I admitted to her something to her that I have not admitted to anyone EVER and that is that I don't know how to love, nor know how to deal with it. That is something that I am coping with as we speak. I can sense that her patience is thinning with me, because she doesn't know if I am forreal or not. I can say that I am forreal, and I desperately want this relationship to work, because I am only getting older, and If I want a family of my own, I need to get it together and try everything to make this work. I think this is a girl I could see myself with for a long time. She kinda scares me with her aggressive approach though. I guess this is love that I am completely oblivious to. Sometimes I think I shouldn't be with her because every girl wants a man that they can share a conversation with, but lately I have had sooo much on my slate that I haven't had time to have a conversation with myself which is HORRIBLE!

I attempted to talk to her today but she kinda had a dilemma go on so I plan to talk to her on the phone and see where our relationship will go from here. I have to say that I am nervous and scared because I never had to deal with anything like this before. Yeah, go ahead and call me the hopeless-romantic. *sigh*

Aside from that, I done something pretty cool tonight at choir rehearsal - I lead a SONG! I've been waiting forever to lead a song and finally I got the opportunity to do one. I'm so proud of myself. The musician let me lead, and loved my voice on it so maybe this might be a turning point :D We'll see...

OVERALL GRADE FOR TODAY'S EVENTS: 8/10