[Current Condition: Not So Happy]

Okay, so here I am again writing my emotions on digital paper. It's that time once again - Valentine's Day. Wow, do I HATE THIS HOLIDAY! It always tends to make me so angry and angsty. This whole week I've been in such of a bitchy mood, and it took me a long time to figure out why, but I've come to the conclusion that I am just frustrated. Love always frustrates me because I am always longing for it. I want to be loved, but I don't want just anybody, I want someone that deserves my love you know. Sometimes I feel as though that I am not capable of loving, or it's just a curse. As I type this I'm feeling nauseated and hollow. I can't wait until this Holiday is over. And as if that wasn't enough, I have my friends trying to help me, but they don't truly understand the extent and the severity of this. It's something that I have held inside of me for years. I guess that is why I always tended to be so weird in school. I'm like the epitome of the hopeless romantic. I don't know why I can always help other people with their relationships, yet I can never get myself in a relationship. I just wonder what it could be. Some may say that I'm not trying hard enough, others say, I'm trying to hard. Some say I've given up too fast, but I'm seriously just thinking that I was destined to be alone. It saddens me because I tend to dream about it alot and would love a family, but those are things that I feel are so far away from reach. I wrote a poem once before about my fictional wife. I wrote another one about my unborn son. It's weird but you just don't understand the obsession of wanting to be loved. It's a little hard to explain. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way that I do. I wonder if the person that may be reading this is my significant other or did she just die in traffic.