[CURRENT CONDITION: LIFELESS]

This whole holiday season has been a rough one to say the least. I don't know what to make of it. I hate to say this, but I think I'm going into the new year with the same thoughts that I had THIS year (ie. depression, lack of self-worth, low self-esteem, and suicidal tendencies). I've been extremely moody towards my loved ones and friends. It just seems as though anything that they say or do annoys me to an extent, or just bothers me. It doesn't help either that I got a call from my cousin on Christmas Day talking about all of his successes, and then when I get off the phone with him, all I can think about is my long list of failures. It just seems as though it is impossible for me to maintain a smile. Everytime I smile, I have a dose of sadness to follow. I've come to the conclusion that I need to make some more appointments with the therapist and the psychologist in order to regain my sanity that I have seemed to lost. Every word spoken is like a stab to the ears with a jagged dagger. I'm losing sleep, and everything that I thought was good for me, ends up to be just another failed attempt to be happy. What do I do now? I have tried everything and it just seems as though nothing is working? What is the next step? How do I fix this? I'm too tired to try.