[Current Condition: Back to Square One]

Alright, so I haven’t been doing much blogging and video-blogging lately. A lot has been going on in the time that I have been away. I was in a short relationship. Boy o’ Boy was that interesting. This girl was gorgeous, but after further conversations, I learned that this relationship would NEVER work, because she came from a totally different lifestyle as I did. She comes from a hard-knock lifestyle, while I come from a lifestyle, where I didn’t have to worry about much, nor did I have to worry about fighting too much because I never grew up in that kind of neighborhood. I guess you could say that I was COMPLETELY suburbanized. LOL. In my life I was taught to do things by the book. I was taught things the right way, and the ONLY way, and the consequences of thuggish, and inappropriate antics. She is a total party girl. That is completely OUT of my league. She’s a smoker and a social drinker. I don’t indulge in neither. She believes in having fun, as do I, but her definition is totally more riskier than mine.

She says that I am uptight. That is false. I have put up with a lot. I carry out actions, that I mostly DO NOT agree with, but I sacrifice myself for others just so they can be happy and have fun. I don’t want to be the one that everyone claims to be lame and the death of the party. I have done risky things before, like throwing stuffed animals at old people, and throwing rocks at limousines, getting arrested by the cops for disturbing the peace, and being banned from the mall for 3 years. These are things that I used to do when I was younger. It’s time to grow up and get serious. I’m sorry if I’m 23 and wish to live my life in a more conservative, and business-like manner, but I don’t have time for fun and games anymore. Waiting around, wasting time on childish games does NOT put money on the table, and while you’re wasting time, someone else is getting the money that I could be having in my pocket. I’m about that money 24/7. I don’t feel as though playing around and partying all day, and acting a damn fool all the time is my definition of a successful future. There is a time for fun, and I just don’t have TIME to play around. I view my life through my future. I see my future being the lowest of the low. Some shriveled up old man on the street begging people for change just so I can get a dollar menu burger from McDonald’s. That’s the way I have pictured my future. Maybe it’s THAT reason why I have become so serious, but when I look back at my childhood, I didn’t have much of a childhood because I was always so reserved, and I didn’t have many friends as a young boy, so all I had was me and my treasure chest of toys. I never really interacted with other children, because I was never really put in those situations. I never really got a chance to play at the park, and go to the beach and all of that, so maybe that explains why I am the way I am.

She thinks I’m racist against my own kind, simply because I told her that I don’t like to date black girls. Now I never said I completely ruled out black women, because I would love to marry a black woman that shares my ideals and interests, but I have YET to find a black woman like that. I can say from my personal experiences, that ALL of the black women I dealt with, all had the same “diva” attitude, and that same “NIGGA I DON’T NEED YOU, I’M INDEPENDENT!” type of aura to them. I don’t need that in my life. I just want a woman that I share interests with, has a great personality, beautiful, has goals, a girl that is not a thug nor ghetto, intelligent, and someone that is artistic. That’s not asking for much, but lately it seems like I am asking for the impossible. My personal preference is: a light-skinned black girl, asian girl (Mmmm…) , hispanic girl. ^_^ I think that I am entitled to my preference of women. That DOES NOT MEAN THAT I AM RACIST AGAINST MY OWN KIND!!!

So, to sum it up, we don’t talk anymore, and she is doing her own thing, while I take care of business like I’ve been doing. I told her that, “I’m one of those people that don’t put much into relationships because they never end well. Just like this one. I don’t even try anymore. I do want kids, and I’ve come to the conclusion, I’ll save up my money and adopt two children. I know it will be difficult to raise two children by myself as a single father, but I see no other way.”